


take my arms that i might reach you

by starsandsands



Series: Multifandom Ficlets [2]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 19:02:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12894693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandsands/pseuds/starsandsands
Summary: There’s a rustling noise from across the room, and Spencer sits up, startled. He can see Brendon freeze, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights, one leg in his pants, the other leg in the air poised to move.





	take my arms that i might reach you

Spencer wakes up in the middle of the night, the warm spot in his bed suddenly vacated. Where Brendon was sleeping is still warm, but not the generator-hot heat that Spencer had become used to so quickly. There’s a rustling noise from across the room, and Spencer sits up, startled. He can see Brendon freeze, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights, one leg in his pants, the other leg in the air poised to move. 

“What are you doing?” Spencer asks confusedly, his head still a little fuzzy from sleep.

“Leaving,” is the soft reply, and it makes something in his stomach clench. “I uh- have a thing. I have to go.”

“You can stay, I know for a fact that you don’t have anything to be doing right this second. And you can use my shower in the morning if you want.”

“No, I’m good. I really should be getting back to my hotel room. I have to catch a flight in the morning.” Spencer flips the covers off his bed, stretching his legs out a little as he gets out.

“Stay,” he says, his tone somewhat commanding as he crosses the room. “For me?”

“I really can’t, the company is expanding and I need to check on the development internationally. My contacts in New York will be phoning any minute and-”

“I know you, and I know that’s a lie.”

“No you don’t,” comes even quieter as Brendon turns his back, buckling his belt then picking up his shirt off the armchair.

“It can wait at least wait a few hours, I could have driven you to pick up your stuff and then to the airport.” He hears Brendon huff, pulling on his button-up and continues. “So what you told me last night, what you’ve been telling me all this time, it’s a lie?” Spencer doesn’t mean to come off harsh, but he sees the slight flinch in Brendon’s shoulders.

“I wouldn’t lie to you about that, Spence.”

“I love you,” he says, and Brendon pauses. “I thought last night would mean something, I thought we would mean something to you.” Spencer rests a hand on Brendon’s shoulder, which Brendon immediately tries to shrug off, starting to button his shirt. Spencer tightens his grip to keep it there.

“It did mean something,” Brendon replies, placing his cheek on Spencer’s hand. Almost as an afterthought, he adds, ”It does mean something.”

“Then why are you sneaking off in the middle of the night to go to the hotel room you’ve only been to twice in the past week?” Brendon halts his attempt at buttoning his shirt.

“I didn’t want to disturb you, since you had work in the morning. I know how important it is to you,” Brendon replies, whisper-quiet, his hands dropping to his sides.

“Nothing is more important to me than you, why can’t you understand?” Spencer’s tone is slightly angry, but why can’t Brendon see this? It’s as clear as day to anyone who knows them.

“You don’t really mean it,” he hears, mumbled under Brendon’s breath. Spencer grabs his other shoulder and turns him around, positioning them so they’re face-to-face.

“I have been in love with you since the day we went to the fair (or s/t lol idk). I’ve had my time for work, my business is running smoothly and doesn’t need me 24/7, so I have time for more important things, like you.”

“Don’t say that,” Brendon says, refusing to meet Spencer’s eyes.

“Why?” Something inside Spencer is starting to collapse as Brendon fidgets with his fingers, vulnerable and beautiful and hurt.

“Just- don’t. Please, I can’t stand it because-”

“Because why? Why won’t you listen to me when I tell you I love you?” Spencer’s grip on Brendon’s shoulders might be a little hard, but they’re both shaking and Spencer’s afraid he might fall if he doesn’t have Brendon to lean on.

“You wouldn’t understand,” Brendon turns his head, trembling.

“Why not? What could have possibly happened to make you not believe me?”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s just-”

“What? What is it?”

“You might be in love with me now, but it’s not going to last!” comes out in a rush. “I can’t stand the thought of this ending, of you ending up hating me. I don’t want to lose this, but that’s what is going to happen.”

“No it won’t,” Spencer denies vehemently.

“It always does! Don’t you understand? It always happens, no matter what. If my heart breaks one more time, I think I might break along with it.”

“So you’re just going to give up now, while we’re just starting?”

“What else could I do?” Brendon asks, desperate.

“You could try, one last time, for me.” Spencer’s hands have slid down from Brendon’s shoulders to his hands, so their fingers are entwined. “Please?” he whispers, his face drawing closer to Brendon’s ear.

“I don’t know what I would do if I lost you,” Brendon replies, his voice broken.

“But just think of what we could do together,” Spencer says, pleading. “What we could have, you and me.”

“I would spend the whole time thinking about the end. I would spend so much time, putting my heart and soul into _us_ , and you’d get bored with it, eventually. They always do.”

“Who is this ‘they’ you’re talking about? Do I look like a ‘they’?”

“You’re different but- that just makes what I’d lose even worse.”

“Why are you so stuck on what you’d lose? If it happens, we can deal with it later. We can work it out, I’ll always be here to listen to you and-”

“But you won’t!” Brendon interrupts. “You won’t because you’ll get to know _me_ , and you won’t like what you see,” he admits.

“I don’t know what I’ll think until I can see it. You won’t know what I’ll think.”

“It’s so ugly, who I really am. Past all of this whatever you think you see in me, it’s a huge mess. It just gets worse every time.” He tries to pry his hands out from Spencer’s, but Spencer just squeezes them.

“You have to trust me, Bren. That’s all you have to do. Close your eyes,” he says, savoring the feeling of Brendon’s breath against his. Brendon blinks once, twice, and then closes them, the protest on his lips silenced by a gentle kiss from Spencer. “Let me show you how I feel about you,” he whispers when they pull apart, and he grins against Brendon’s mouth and they kiss again. Brendon has been slowly relaxing, until he suddenly freezes, catching sight of something that might not even be there and pulls them apart again, trying to draw away.

“I really don’t have the time-”

“I know that this isn’t about time. You can play hooky with me, I’ll buy you another ticket out of here, if you need it. Just, stay with me, please. I love you so much.” Spencer doesn’t care how desperate he sounds, begging to make the memories from the previous night stretch on forever. “I thought that last night we’d finally gotten our act together,” he chuckles, pressing his forehead to Brendon’s. 

“I guess we did,” Brendon grins softly, but the troubled look is still in his eyes, buried behind the temporary contentment.

“If you give me enough time, I’ll-” Spencer doesn’t quite know what to say, he doesn’t know how to fix this, but he wants to _try_. He attempts to let Brendon know telepathically, letting go of his hands in favor of the patch of bare skin just above Brendon’s professional slacks, sliding his hands up the back of his open shirt, drawing him into a hug. “ _IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou_ ,” he repeats like a mantra, drawing soothing shapes on Brendon’s back.

“Me too,” Brendon says. “I want to try, but I don’t know if I can-”

“Just try,” Spencer whispers, starting to move back towards the bed.

“I’ll do the best I can,” Brendon replies and lets himself be dragged back. They can figure it out in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Written June 2011 during a 30-minute writing challenge with [alsointogiraffe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alsointogiraffe/pseuds/alsointogiraffe).  
> Title from Simon & Garfunkel's "Sound of Silence".


End file.
